Next Deadline: Friday, February 10th at 11:59 EST
The guards were roaring with laughter when deciding which haiku they wanted to present to the King. All of the entries were wonderful, and put a smile on their faces – for a moment, they even forgot about the tables and valuables. It was going to be a tough decision picking just one to present to the king!
“I would love to see his head on a pike! Sometimes the King really just has it coming, y’know?”
“I don’t see why puppies wouldn’t cheer him up, always.”
“Whores are way better. You can’t fuck a puppy.”
“Well… can’t? I mean before you say can’t, think about-”
“I’d love to just tell him off to his face. GET OVER IT KING!”
Unfortunately, they knew they only had one chance to present a haiku to King Daggerbeard, and it probably couldn’t be one of the threatening ones. And it had to be a really good one, but what kind of haiku does King Daggerbeard like?
“It’s got to say ‘king’ in it at least once. He really likes that he’s a king.”
“Any form of flattery would definitely improve the chances he likes it.”
“He’s also a big fan of his beard. Mentioning that would be a plus.”
It was a really tough decision, but eventually the guards decided on a single haiku and approached the King. The King’s rampage had destroyed most of his room, and was starting to leak out into the other quarters. Most of the tables were upturned, and many valuables were broken completely. This was it, this haiku had to stop his furniture-based tyranny here and now!
My King’s blood beard shines forth true
Brighter than ruby”
“Th-that was perfect!” King Daggerbeard exclaimed. “I love haikus, especially ones about me, that flatter me, and address me respectfully – the ‘my king’ is really what sold me! Me beard is rather beautiful, isn’t she?”
Delighted, the guards were interrupted by Knight Stripes, who sort of walked in all indifferently and tossed the map at the king while muttering themapisdonekingdaggerballoon and then leaving. He really wanted nothing to do with the king after his rampage. If anything, Knight Stripes thought that he would make a better king himself, especially with Daggerbiscuit acting like such a whiny little kid.
“Perfect! Guards, make this map available to all of the people of the island! Ye did well guards, I’m in such a great mood right now, har har!”
Nodding, the guards went off to make the map available to everyone on the island using their still really bizarre guard-based communication. Apparently the map can be found here, but the free hosting site is kinda crummy so you’ll need to click the “Play flash fullscreen” button to the bottom right of the tiny tiny .swf – whatever all this nonsense means.
Additionally, they made sure to sent a small bag to Destin, a token of thanks for having the haiku that best cheered up King Daggerbeard.
Those haiku submissions were wonderful. They were all really well thought out – and even though only one could ultimately make the King happy, I was dying with laughter while reading those.
The weather on the island is beginning to turn sour – the storm isn’t here yet, but it has begun raining and the inclement weather will only get worse over the next day or so, so get ready!
The tide has changed to low!
Low tide is potentially the most exciting tide their is. During low tide, the most amount of land is visible, and various mysterious things that are normally hidden surface. If there’s something you’re looking for that seems rare, unusual, or mysterious, now is the time to look for it! Unfortunately, low tide is going to be cut short this week because of the rain WHICH IS TOTALLY HOW TIDES WORK SO SHOVE IT. Make sure you take full advantage of the low tide before it’s gone!